WHAT IT MEANS TO BE BASIC

Let’s get this out of the way right at the outset. When someone calls you ‘basic’, they’re not giving you a compliment. In fact, they’re most probably making fun of you. Worse, they mean it as an insult.
　When did the quaint word ‘basic’ become an insult, you ask? Well, let’s just say that the internet generation doesn’t care about words and their feelings. Any old word can be dressed up in newfangled garments and re-introduced into the lexicon as something it never was and never wanted to be.
　Anyway, the word ‘basic’ is often accompanied by the word ‘bitch’. Youtube has a wonderful video, for those of you who want to watch, called ‘How to tell if you’re a basic bitch’. Now the word bitch may trip you up, and you may think that it applies to only women, but what did we just say about the internet generation? Now it’s perfectly okay to call men bitches too. We’re metrosexuals, remember? If you don’t like us, call us bitches. Or even basic bitches.
　But what does a basic bitch mean? Speaking in general, this person appreciates things that the masses love: French manicures, Pinterest, selfies, and uses the words ‘like’ and ‘literally’ way too much in everyday speech. The typical basic bitch doesn’t know a thing of philosophy, politics, fine arts, business, language or style. Having a conversation with this person – especially if you’re not a basic bitch yourself – is next to impossible without you wishing to tear your hair out. But if you are one, then expect to get along famously.
　Basic boys, of course, have some typical characteristics that girls of this group don’t display. They have a feverish grip on antiquated ideas of masculinity, and they have an undying love for doing it the ‘male’ way. They love sports and they love a bar brawl more than anything. They typically look at intellectual men as ‘sissies’ or ‘nerds’.
　Now of course, not every basic person is the same across the world. Your basic American may differ from your basic Indian, who may be miles apart from your basic Australian. So what we’ve done for you – very helpfully – is that we’ve listed a few basic Australian traits, by which you can tell for yourself whether you’re a basic bitch or not.
You own a pair of Christian Louboutin pumps you can’t walk in because they have a 16-centimetre high heel.
You wear a Camilla kaftan, then get angry when your boyfriend/husband/lover refuses to have sex with you because you look like a tent from Woodstock
You use the word “literally”, like, all the time.
You (or you boyfriend) have a sleeve tattoo that includes, but is not limited to, a quote about inner strength, your star sign and a sketch of a family member/pet
　The most use you will get out of this article is, of course, that you now have a way to abuse people without them realising it. You can just call them ‘basic’ as if you mean it as a compliment, and revel in their ignorance. Good luck!