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Made in India Magazine | October 28, 2020

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Ankit Gupta

We’re always wondering whether the person we’re with is the right one for us or not for the long haul. While it’s great to have fun with a person and laugh with them, a long-term partner often has a completely different set of requirements. In this piece, we tell you what to look out for in your spouse to decide whether or not he’s the one.

Is he the one? Isn’t he? Questions such as these are common when you’re dating, but they persist throughout a long relationship as well because after all, things and people change, and new fears and insecurities are always around the corner. While it is never possible to entirely read a man’s mind, there are a few signs you can look for to judge whether or not the man you’re with is trustworthy and a keeper.

1. He uses a lot of ‘you’ in speaking
Studies have shown that people who use ‘you’ and ‘your’ a lot in daily speech are naturally more empathetic people. (Actually, it’s the other way around. People who are empathetic naturally use a lot of ‘you’ and ‘your’ in their language.) If your significant other communicates with a lot of such words that depict empathy, it shows that he is thinking of your needs and wants as well in addition to his own.

2. He follows through on what he says
Look for signs in his life and career that show that he is a person of his word. Whether it is the lengths to which he goes to keep a promise given to a friend, or whether it is the single-minded focus that he gives to his career or hobby, traits such as determination, grit and focus are desirable because they tell you that he is someone who doesn’t mind undertaking short-term pain for long-term gain. On the other hand, if he is someone who is too light on his word and if he is distracted in his hobbies and career, that may just be a warning sign that when things get difficult, he will want out of your relationship too.

3. He is open about his ‘shameful’ parts
Human beings consider sex to be among the most shameful acts in the world. That’s just the way society is built. Much of the miscommunication that happens between couples revolves around sex. The male and female genders are wired differently when it comes to sexual needs, so without communication, no understanding is possible. If your man makes the effort to discuss his sexual needs with you, rejoice and reciprocate, because it’s a sign that he wants you to be privy to the most ‘shameful’ part of his being.

4. He is ready to discuss and redefine boundaries
In a long relationship, boundaries often change. What is true in the first year of your marriage may not be in the twentieth. So a spouse that is open to constantly discussing and redefining boundaries (physical, emotional and sexual) in your relationship is a communicative spouse that you can trust. Remember that your relationship’s boundaries are your own; as long as your spouse and you are okay with a boundary, it’s not up to society to judge you in any way.

5. In an argument, he listens more than he speaks
People are what they become under pressure. If he stays calm in an argument and asks questions about your feelings and listens to you, then it’s a sign that he can keep his cool under pressure. On the contrary, if he blows his rocker and yells at the slightest hint of perceived provocation, then he might need to work on his anger.

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