As the dust settles on Cricket’s flagship event, it has been found that the World Cup has caused more good to Indian society than was anticipated previously. Now they want a World Cup every month! Read on to find out why.
In a recent study, the 2015 Cricket World Cup has been cited as the primary reason behind India’s increased Women Empowerment Index (WPI) in the month of March. This is apparently not a new phenomenon. The company who published these results – who refused to make themselves known – have been conducting clandestine studies of this sort for twenty four years now, during the past six World Cups.
The results seem to be conclusive. Whenever there is a World Cup on, the people of India feel more empowered.
Sheila Leone, a porn-star turned pop-psychologist, said that this was to be expected. ‘Men are visual creatures,’ she said. ‘When you show a man brightly coloured things moving about, like green lawns and balls and bats, you dull him into a sense of pleased delirium, not unlike that of a well-fed python. In this state, the subject doesn’t respond to external stimuli of any kind, and prefers to be left alone for the duration of the spectacle. And as we know, a docile man is one every woman wants.’ She flashed us a smile, and bent forward toward the microphone, so that a little bit of cleavage showed from between the lapels of her white lab coat.
Says Mumbai based housewife Rashi M, ‘I love it when the World Cup comes! He doesn’t care what I make for him on match days, and he often doesn’t even notice that I’m not at home. Anticipating this, I got a life-sized doll made in my likeness before the tournament started, and whenever India played a game, I just placed it on the sofa next to the long couch and went out partying with my friends. I would return late at night and my husband wouldn’t even notice I was gone. This is the life!’
While women all around the country are lauding the social consciousness of the ICC (International Cricket Council) for keeping their interests in mind, some feministic blocs are going up in arms in outrage. World Cups such as these should happen once every year, they say, not just once every four years.
‘We think it’s an absolute outrage that the World Cup happens only once every four years,’ said a young woman, who identified herself merely as a Fiery Feminist. ‘Something that helps the cause of women in this country to such an extent should be nurtured, and every effort should be taken to have this tournament every year. In fact, we should have this tournament every month.’
When we pointed out to her that that was impossible since the World Cup lasts six weeks, she pouted at her phone and took a selfie. ‘The quality of the camera in these phones is so pathetic,’ she said. ‘Honestly!’
At bringbacktheworldcup.com, millions of Indian women are signing a petition that will be presented at the next Rajya Sabha session, demanding that the World Cup be brought back and kept in India, and played continuously throughout the year in the interest of women empowerment. We have not seen this petition, but it is said to have a further demand that the rules be tweaked so that no matter who wins the tournament, India should be declared winners.
All for the sake of women empowerment. Since it’s a worthy cause, we signed our names to it as well. We will keep you informed about how it does in the Parliament.